Please contact me with dates, times, year groups and request to make the booking.
Free availability calendar

1. The wife killed a dog when her husband went to work. (Although she told him later she killed a child.)

2. The wife wrapped her kill up in a rug.

3. The man was helped by his brother. (Although the man’s wife could be seen to be helping him too. This could make an interesting discussion point.)

4. The man’s ‘friends’ told the officials about the ‘child.’ (Although they also spoke to each other.)

5. The lesson in this story is that blood is thicker than water. Meaning that family (blood) will always help you but friends (water) might not.

Listening Answers

1. The eldest brother fortune favoured, he’d got the right house, the right clothes and the right friends.

2. He thought highly of these friends. Much more highly than he thought of his own brother, who was poor, could barely put food on his own table.

3. The husband went to look. He didn’t look carefully. He was beside himself with worry. What was he going to do?

4.  ”I couldn’t help it. This child came to the door and he didn’t like the way I spoke to him and he got angry at me and I got angry back at him and I hit him over the head and before I knew it he was dead!”

5. They decided they needed to tell the authorities. To shop him to the police.

Let’s see how you did.

1. Hermits make Great Teachers.

2. Moni Mekhala and Ream Eyso had to fill the glass with Morning Dew.

3. The prize for the first one back was a Magic Ball.

4. Ream Eyson threw His Magic Axe at Moni Mekhala.

5. The Cambodian’s named what they saw Thunder and Lightening.

Let’s see how you did.

1. The rich man showed off how rich he was by throwing banquets.

2. Shiva decided to put the rich man to the test when he heard him boasting.

3. Shiva’s son Ganesh has the head of an elephant.

4. When Ganesh had eaten all the food the rich man went to his neighbour.

5. When all the food was gone Ganesh ate the gold, the silver, the bronze, the marble, the ornaments and the furniture.

6. When the rich man told Ganesh there was nothing left Ganesh said, “I’ll eat you!”

7. Shiva gave Ganesh a bowl of rice.

8. This story is a moral story warning of the dangers of boasting*.

*Language:

To boast means to show off, to talk about yourself, your achievements or your belongings with a lot of pride and self-satisfaction. This is often negative when attached to people, but can be positive for a company.

For example.

Sandra boasts to Sally that she met David Beckham.

Manchester United boasts the biggest club football stadium in Britain.

Christmas is one of the best times for huddling round the fire, wrapping up in a cozy blanket, and telling each other stories. Storyteller Vicky Parsons brings a series of Christmas stories to charm and delight the whole family. Her lyrical style and humour gives a unique take on age-old stories, and new stories from her own imagination.

This is a quirky spin on the original Shoemaker story, filled with festive fun and laughs its a favourite for all the family.

Here’s the first three chapters completely free:

1.

At nine o’clock on the dot Jingle Bells began playing in the Toy Factory and Elves poured through the doors. On hearing the song they flocked towards the coat rails. Jingle Bells was Wednesday’s song and Wednesday was painting day.

The Elves donned their aprons, collected their paints, picked up their brushes and went to fetch the toys.

“Someone’s stolen the toys!” Cried an outraged Elfette waving her brush at the empty racks.

Gasps spread around the toy factory. Who would do such a thing?

“Wait!” Shouted an Elder-Elf with a tuft of white hair peeping out of his pointy green hat. “Look!” he whispered pointing to the wood bucket.

It was filled with distinctly un-toy-shaped wood.

“Oh my goodness” said the Elfette, putting her hand over her mouth. “Someone’s pulled apart our toys!”

The horror of this act of vandalism could only mean one thing.

“The Grinch!” Cried four Elder-Elves at the same time.

No Elf had ever actually seen the Grinch, but they’d all heard of him and they knew he hated Christmas. An emergency ‘Grinch Attack Plan’ had been drilled time and time again, but in their panic none of the Elves could remember what they were supposed to do. So they did what came naturally. They hid…  Quickly.

Within a matter of seconds Elves disappeared under tables, into stockings, up the chimney and one Elf even threw himself into a huge pot of red paint.

The twins, Dim and Dom, clapped their hands over their mouths to stop their laughter. This was their best prank ever!

For five whole minutes the Elves stayed hidden. Then, when nothing happened, little  heads began to pop out of their hiding places. Was it safe?

Suddenly a terrible clip-clop, clip-clop could be heard in the hallway. Elves ducked back into safety. Dim and Dom stopped laughing. Maybe it really was the Grinch. The door nudged open little by little. Dim and Dom grabbed hold of each other as a huge red nose peeked around the doorway.

It was only Rudolph. Tuesday’s song was his song and he never missed hearing them sing about how ‘he’d – gone down – in – hist-or-reee!’

“Hang on a minute!” An Elder Elf exclaimed, having put two and two together. “What day is it?”

Two Elfettes fetched the calendar and sure enough there were crosses through each day up to Monday, but no cross on Tuesday.

Dim and Dom could hold back no longer. They burst into fits of giggles, that soon turned to snorts, bellows, howls and guffaws. No one was in any doubt who had switched the music tapes.

2.

“Dim, Dom” Santa looked at the two Elves sternly. “Do you have anything to say for yourselves?”

The twins bowed their heads, but they couldn’t hide their sniggers.

“You leave me no choice” Santa sighed. “I’m going to have to take you out of the toy factory.”

Dim and Dom snapped up their heads. Out of the toy factory? But where would they go?

“You can work in the stables, with the reindeer.”

Dim smiled, he loved the reindeer.

Dom groaned, working in the stables meant they had to work for Smarty Poo Pants! Smarty took everything far too seriously.

“Dim, Dom,” he said in his high-pitched snooty voice on their first day. “You two together spells trouble. From now on you work separately.”

Dim and Dom had never been separated before. They didn’t like it and they weren‘t going to stand for it. Smarty would have to be pranked. For days they strained their brains thinking (not something that comes naturally to Elves) until finally Dom had an idea. His first ever.

They waited until Smarty was at his weekly Snow Watch meeting then, one by one, they took each reindeer out of its stable and swapped it for another one.

“Wait” said Dim eyeing Rudolph’s tell-tale red nose. “He’s going to give the game away!”

Dom smiled a slow mischievous smile. He‘d had a second idea and it wasn‘t as stupid as you might think.

“Chocolate” he grinned.

“Chocolate?” Dim repeated.

This was no time for a snack. But Dom had already disappeared only to return moments later with a huge brown jar filled to the brim with conveniently reindeer coloured spread, which he then smothered all over Rudolph‘s nose.

“Genius” Dim smiled.

Dom nodded. He thought so too.

Genius wouldn’t have been the word Smarty would have used, if he’d cared to take a closer look. But when it came to it, Smarty didn’t have time to take a closer look. The Snow Watch committee meeting had over run, due to a suspiciously yellow area of snow near the toilets. He’d gotten back with only a few minutes to prepare the reindeer for Santa’s daily sleigh practice.

“Ow! Dancer!” Smarty exclaimed hitting Prancer on the nose. “Less of that nonsense!”

Prancer, who had only been trying to show Smarty he wasn’t Dancer, wished he’d bitten him harder.

Then Santa arrived. He jumped into the sleigh, picked up the reins, gave a little “Ho, ho, ho” and they were away. Soaring upwards, higher and higher. Lapland spreading out in front of them; a great white world of icy hills and snowy plains. Sleigh time was one of Santa’s favourite times of the day, after lunchtime, dinnertime and nap time. Nothing could beat flying high over Lapland doing loop the loops. He took a deep breath and started to give commands.  Which is where it all fell apart.

Positions They Should Have Been In

Rudolph

Dasher               Dancer

Prancer               Vixen

Comet                Cupid

Donner              Blitzen

Positions They Were Actually In

Cupid

Vixen              Prancer

Dancer            Dasher

Blitzen            Donner

Rudolph         Comet

“Rudolph, go right.” He shouted.

So Rudolph, not paying attention to anything but the deliciousness of the end of his nose, went right and crashed straight into Comet.

“No, no, no,” shouted Santa. “Donner! Go left.”

So Donner, always eager to please Santa, went left smashing into Blitzen.

“Cupid!” Shouted Santa. “You know you’re supposed to follow Vixen.”

That was the fatal command.

Cupid, who liked the smell of Vixen’s tail, was only too happy to oblige. He turned right round and tried to get in behind her, not realizing the other reindeer were attached to him and he was pulling them round and round in circles.

Santa began to feel dizzy.

“Right that’s it!” He shouted. “Rudolph land.”

Rudolph tried to land but Cupid was still circling. They got faster and faster hurtling towards the ground, picking up speed as they went.

“Oh no!” Exclaimed Santa as he realised the sleigh was going down. He assumed the emergency crash position and braced himself.

3.

The terrible jangling spangling crash of the sleigh as it hit the ground echoed laps around Lapland. It filled the streets. It rattled on doors. It barged through houses and galloped up stairs, spreading itself into every nook and cranny it could find, determined to be heard.

It thundered through the toy factory with such ferocity that it broke the tape recorder and whipped away the Elves’ song. It battered through the village and escaped into the forest taking the last line of the Twelve Days of Christmas with it.

But it didn’t stop there.

It continued travelling with its jingling and tingling, smashing and crashing into every set of ears it could find.

No one was safe.

It spread across the North Pole announcing its existence like a thunder storm with a crack of breaking wood followed by a rumble of bells and a chorus of “partridge in a pear tree.” As it rolled onwards it picked up speed and strength and when it got to the sea it skimmed it’s way across the waves to the mainland. It got faster and faster so that by the time it found some human ears it was gone before it was there. All anyone knew of it was a sudden tingling in the back of their necks and an urge to sing Christmas songs months early.

It bounded its way across the whole globe until it got to the South Pole where it met itself. It slammed into itself so hard that it took it’s own breath away and with that it was gone, only seconds after it had begun.

To read more and to buy on Kindle click here.

Now on iStore – click here.

The Elves and the Newsmaker will be available soon to buy on iStore, Google Books and Kobo. I will update Twitter and Facebook with the links.

This week I was watching Charlotte Church give evidence in the Leveson enquiry and was shocked and appalled to hear that she was offered, in payment for singing, to be looked on ‘favourably’ by Rupert Murdoch’s papers.

How can that be right?

Forgive me if I’m wrong but aren’t papers supposed to report the news? Not “look favourably” on 13 year old girls that give them freebies. Surely the biggest media franchise in the world, and the man who owns it, is better than that.

Way of the world

Apparently not. They offered her £100,000 or a ‘favour’. She was only 13.

And ‘uh-oh’ the silly girl wanted to take the money. Didn’t she know that’s not the way the world works?

Is it.

Is it?

Integrity

Actually I would say it is the way most of the world works. And it’s definitely the way it should work.

It’s just not the way big bullying businesses work. The same corrupt capitalist corporate companies that have brought this country to its knees.

I wonder what would have happened to her if she’d refused the favour? Are we to assume she would’ve been looked upon unfavourably?

Imagine

No one said that… but these tabloids do have a tendency to lock onto a person and ‘bring them down’. Or as I prefer to put it –  completely and utterly undermine, humiliate and mock the people they praised, raised and elevated in the first place. They twist or ‘spin’ everything that person does into a nasty, disgusting, embarrassing mess until the world simply can’t see them the way they once did.

Tables turned

It’s this nasty side of the media that I’ve looked at in my Christmas tale-spin The Elves and the Newsmaker (available for Kindle). I asked myself the question, what would happen if the tabloids turned on Santa? And the answer is pretty bad for the man in red.

Moderation please

I think when all’s said and done most of us know not to believe a word we read in the tabloids. At least I hope so and I hope our children know so too. Otherwise what kind of lessons are we teaching them? And what kind of hope do we have for the future?

Well done

Personally I salute the Leveson enquiry, it’s long overdue. I hope to God they actually make a real difference and bring some integrity back into the way we tell stories about each other.

Not having got back into the swing of the London transport system, I was embarrassingly late and had to sneak in when Ben had already begun. Luckily he’s a pro and I don’t think it phased him. He was leading into the stories with a brief history of Ben. Telling tales of the grandfather of storytelling and folk legend Duncan Williamson, always a treat.

After setting the scene by taking us all to a Ceilidh we were moved seemlessly into the first story, a tall tale of gender bending humour. A story of stories that would have taken home the Crick Crack Club’s very own lying contest trophy had it been on the un-imaginary table.

The second story was another wee humorous tale, a story of Jack. And in this one the teller famous for his improvisation made us work with him. I have to admit I was a little taken aback when the lights came up and suddenly we were expected to do some thinking. On a Wednesday night? In Soho? Shouldn’t we just be allowed to sit back and be entertained? I should have remembered that kind of behaviour is not accepted in the storytelling world. Our brains were put to the test and I expect I wasn’t the only one that was kicking herself in the interval for not having piped up with some ingenious offering. Why do these ideas always come when it’s too late?

After fifteen minutes of catching up on a year’s storytelling events we were into the second half and the true wonder tale of the evening. For me this was the highlight. A magical foray into another world, where one’s actions determine their fate and anything is possible. Another Jack tale but this one had everything. Mr Haggarty led us skilfully and masterfully on a fantastical journey into a world of wonder and awe. The occasional pause to make topical or intelligent commentary reminded us that yes we are adults and yes this fairytale exists for us.

Perhaps it’s because I’ve been away, or maybe there was a new kind of energy there, but it struck me how clearly I could see what the critics mean when they say Ben Haggarty tells his stories with ‘relish and gusto.’ Ben had a twinkle in his eye as he told. He was enjoying himself and so were we.

The evening was Fairytales for Grown-ups and the tellings were intelligent, raunchy and at times a little provoking. This really is storytelling at its highest level and was exactly what I’ve been missing. So thanks Crick Crack Club, a lovely welcome home.

Greek Myths of the Zodiac

Have you ever wondered about astrology? What is it? Where does it come from? What does it mean for you? What’s your star sign? How can it help you live your life?

Stories in the Stars

Storyteller Vicky Parsons shares the tales behind the mythology, offering us insight into the world of astrology. Whether you believe in the science of astrology or not, the essential truths about human nature in these stories help us get to know and relate to our star signs in the way the Greeks would have done.

Pisces’ Story

Here we learn the story of Pisces, and what that means for Pisces work, friendship and love.

Greek Myths of the Zodiac

Have you ever wondered about astrology? What is it? Where does it come from? What does it mean for you? What’s your star sign? How can it help you live your life?

Storytelling in the Stars

Storyteller Vicky Parsons shares the tales behind the mythology, offering us insight into the world of astrology. Whether you believe in the science of astrology or not, the essential truths about human nature in these stories help us get to know and relate to our star signs in the way the Greeks would have.

Aquarius’ Story

Here we learn the story of Aquarius, and what that means for Aquarius work, friendship, and love.